Now we are in the swing of a new year - it is time to consider your partnerships.

A colleague asked me a while ago to create a model (see below) representing some of the more extreme outcomes when we get teacher/parent relationships wrong and the potential outcomes this can have on a child. While the model I have created is neither absolute nor foolproof, it does present some interesting scenarios of what can happen when the power in a relationship is imbalanced.

In any relationship, there can be a lack of equality in stature, intellect, wit, or dominance.

This can lead to unfavourable outcomes for any party such as a child feeling confused and observing conflict, a parent feeling overwhelmed and helpless, or a teacher feeling a failure. The teacher–parent relationship has the potential for the most important person – the child, being impacted in a positive or negative way that affects their learning, safety, and wellbeing. Negative relationships can be exacerbated as most parents have been through school and have their own experiences from teachers, who also come with many differing experiences and opinions. Hence relationships can amalgamate into some of the scenarios as shown in the model.

The four potential outcomes and the preferred balanced outcome are as follows:

First, we have the power imbalance where the teacher dominates the parent. We hope this would never be true in schools. The parent may feel controlled and without a voice when the teacher, for whatever reason, is on the front foot and, rather than listening and partnering, becomes the dominant party. Dominant behaviours would include strong body language, potentially a louder voice, inflexible, or incorrect language that would take a parent by surprise. Ultimately, the child views a poor relationship where the parent becomes dominated and either doesn’t have the skills to assert back or becomes frustrated and gives up. This would mean the teacher potentially not showing qualities we desire our children to learn, and it also runs the risk that the child emulates the frustration/giving up they see in their parents in their learning approach.

Then we have the conflict situation where both parent and teacher potentially fight for dominance. Rather than one acquiescing, both are on the front foot, demanding their opinion to be the one that counts. Again, the child only observes a poor relationship and becomes confused about who to respect in this situation, given that both seem to be getting nowhere and progress is not made.

For many reasons, and at various times, both parent and teacher can appear to be apathetic or passive, performing as if they do not care about the child or their roles. If left unresolved, this can teach the child that no one really cares about them or their education, so why should they? This is a problem waiting to erupt in any home and classroom.

Then, we have the power imbalance where the parent dominates the teacher. The parent may be demanding a particular way of teaching or has become upset due to an incident at school, and their needs are not being met. These needs may be reasonable or unreasonable to an outside observer. What is this behaviour teaching the child? Possibly that the squeaky wheel and the loudest voice wins, and as with the previous example, the child observes the parent demonstrating less than ideal behaviours. While they may get their desired outcome, is this how we want people to behave?  

What we all really want is for each party to take actions that move them towards partnership in the middle – the middle line where there is:

Equal power and respect.

Both sides listen to each other. They both understand the system.

They both care for child.

The child is happy and learns best in this scenario.

Parents and teacher both feel safe and secure.

This is what we need children to see, to have what is asked of them at school and home role-modelled to them, so they, too, develop positive relationships like this – remember, they are always watching.

So, before you reactively go into any situation with only your own needs taking priority – have a look at the chart and the type of meeting or partnership you are entering and which scenario it fits into. Then, see how you can edge more towards the middle line. The first step is to consider the view of the other parties, maybe consider asking some questions first, to gather all the information before you make decisions together.

If you would like to know more about steps you can take to move to the middle line, you can review my website, www.thinkingeducation.org