The bully in the corner
- Yvonne Harvey
- Dec 22, 2022
- 3 min read
Updated: Apr 1, 2023
Read my thoughts on the importance of role modelling and how sending a positive message is everyone’s responsibility.
As I was driving down the freeway, I glanced up and saw the billboard shown in this picture, and thought, what if that was my face up there? This blog is not a political piece - the advert is used to make you think. What if you had to walk down the street every day to people relentlessly calling you the ‘cuts guy’ and no doubt other choice words? What impact would it have on you and your mental health? I am a school principal, and we continually grapple with the horrendous fallout and confusion that bullying has in society. It is well documented the effect bullying can have on children.
We call out how important it is to keep ourselves and those we care about mentally healthy and how we must learn resilience, yet our political leaders speak from both sides of their mouths and, worse still, they blatantly bully each other on enormous public billboards! Where are the laws of privacy now?
Is anyone calling this out as the elephant in the corner? Where is there to go with this?
Children today are exposed to subtle yet influential messaging wherever they go. You may think I am making a big deal out of not much but hear me out. Imagine for a second this was your child on a billboard with the title ‘Chris the schools *** student. Imagine the feelings of injustice and harm. Imagine what course of action you would want to take.
Every day at school we are teaching children to be kind. We use a variety of well researched emotional resilience programs and peace-making strategies when there is conflict.
We have done away with traditional punishments because the evidence says they don’t work, and we concentrate on restorative justice techniques and mediation between students.
(For more information about Restorative Justice in schools see Reimer, K. (2019). Adult intentions, student perceptions: How restorative justice is used in schools to control and to engage. Charlotte, NC: Information Age Publishing.)
In some schools a large proportion of the day is taken up by managing emotions (students, staff, and parents) rather than teaching the Australian Curriculum. Is it any wonder results are declining?
Everyone tends to be on high alert. Parents are now poised to fight for their child’s rights when conflict arises between students. Not only are teachers tasked with teaching students how to manage arguments, verbally and physically, they are expected to be experts in partnering with parents especially when there is a difference of opinion between the school and the parent. Teachers and staff are also on high alert because any wrong turn can result in the parent being unhappy.
Teachers are expected to learn how to manage parent expectations on the job and by osmosis. There is no training for partnering with parents in a child’s education at university and limited training in schools as professional development.
Yet every step of positive progress in a child’s learning about being kind and how to live peacefully with others can be undone by public, and even worse private shaming message whether as big as a billboard on the freeway, or through the many social media platforms available to children.
I understand some people can be mean on purpose, it is human nature to want to be right and get your point across. As John Maxwell says in his book titled Everyone Communicates, Few Connect: What the Most Effective People Do Differently (2010), ‘people may hear your words, but they feel your attitude’. I believe when positive role modelling is demonstrated by everyone, we, and our children will no longer be confused, and behaviours will change.
Role modelling is everyone’s responsibility.
Noticing when a particular behaviour sends mixed messages is everyone’s responsibility. Something so seemingly innocent can have a big impact. Imagine if it was your child’s face on the billboard?
What could you do to make a difference? If you want to learn how to advocate for others – check out these bystander training links:
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